Mixed Emotions

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We live in a time where people feel like they know us so well, when in actual fact do they really know us at all?

Between, text messaging, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and everything in between, we live our lives through social media. We live in a generation where, whenever something happens, good or bad, we post it online. This at times can be a good thing. Social media is a great tool in so many ways, yet like everything it has it downfalls.

I have a really bad habit of posting things online that really don’t need to be online. For instance, my relationship of three and a half years recently ended. After being with someone for that long, you’re obviously going to be heartbroken and upset. But what good does it do to post sad things on social media all day long? The sad truth is, is that’s how most people found out that we broke up.

Many times I have heard someone say “I’m not who I am on social media” but the truth is yes you are. I regret a lot of things I have posted on social media, because things come across the wrong way, and sometimes I post too many details about stuff that everyone doesn’t care about. But that’s still me. I am the one that posted it. I am the one that processed the thought.

Another downfall to social media these days is that when you go through a breakup you most likely still follow your ex on all social media outlets. If you’re like me you don’t want to unfollow them because you know you’ll still look up what they’re doing anyway. But honestly, it probably would be easier if I unfollowed him. But again the said truth is that, I want to know what he’s up to. Yes that may sometimes hurt, and yes it may sometimes annoy me. But when someone is a part of your life for over three years, it’s not exactly easy to just cut them out of your life. Not for me anyway.

It’s been almost six weeks since my breakup. Thankfully I don’t find myself crying everyday anymore, but I still miss him and lots of little things about our relationship. I still go through days where I hope this is temporary and we’ll one day be back together. I can’t predict the future, I don’t know what is going to happen. But I know that to this day I still love him.

Because of social media, I feel that people always knew when I was upset, but they didn’t necessarily know when I was happy. I don’t know why we work that way but we do.  I’m prepared that if we were ever to get back together that people will judge me. But at the end of the day it’s my life. My happiness is what matters most to me.

I suppose this post is more of a rant, I’m just currently in a state where I’m confused and my emotions are on a roller coaster.

-K

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